Watch Kids' Reviews of
NEWELLS, THE: THE CREAKING FLOORBOARD (PILOT)

Telling a good story in the most succinct and visual way is challenging. There's no substitute for hammering on the narrative until the pictures it evokes set up the tension to come in less than four lines. It quickly teaches a writer which visual aspects are important and which aren't.

Clarity about where we are is vital. Confusion about scene location and time is a script killer and some readers will reject a script based on that alone. That's one of the reasons it used to be said that flashbacks were frowned upon. Well, in this day and age - in fantasy and in the wobbly time/space continuum of sci-fi, flashbacks are vital. Formatting can help. It can be a pain, but check 'The Screenwriter's Bible' for questions. It's the US industry standard.

All scenes always need tension. It can be overt; it can be sub-textual, but it has to be there. Typically it happens when the business of the scene tells us a different story from the one stated in the dialog. That also means that the dialog needs to be less on the nose, that is, more circumspect, more cautious, carrying levels of meaning - or, in the case of the parents, prompting responses without actually asking for them.

In children's programs, where we are trying to teach, showing rather than telling is vital. Children do most of their learning through senses other than just listening. (Actually, so do most adults.) They need to feel the scene. And they will if it's well thought out. This means that the visual aspect of a scene should probably proceed the development of the dialog. It's more easily done in zombie scenes and snot-monster scenes because they carry the emotional tension. It's more difficult in cerebral scenes where the dialog is about abstract ideas - like responsibility. In these cases, especially for children (and even for adults) find the picture.

This pilot portends a fun, stimulating series that has the potential to teach (however sneakily) within the realms of entertainment. A thought would be to rename it, The Newells and the Creaky Monster - more provocative and it offers the opportunity of developing the Monster as a person - uh, character.

I give this script 4.5 out of 5 stars and recommend it for ages 8 to 12. Reviewed by Juror #10.

Telling a good story in the most succinct and visual way is challenging. There's no substitute for hammering on the narrative until the pictures it evokes set up the tension to come in less than four lines. It quickly teaches a writer which visual aspects are important and which aren't.

Clarity about where we are is vital. Confusion about scene location and time is a script killer and some readers will reject a script based on that alone. That's one of the reasons it used to be said that flashbacks were frowned upon. Well, in this day and age - in fantasy and in the wobbly time/space continuum of sci-fi, flashbacks are vital. Formatting can help. It can be a pain, but check 'The Screenwriter's Bible' for questions. It's the US industry standard.

All scenes always need tension. It can be overt; it can be sub-textual, but it has to be there. Typically it happens when the business of the scene tells us a different story from the one stated in the dialog. That also means that the dialog needs to be less on the nose, that is, more circumspect, more cautious, carrying levels of meaning - or, in the case of the parents, prompting responses without actually asking for them.

In children's programs, where we are trying to teach, showing rather than telling is vital. Children do most of their learning through senses other than just listening. (Actually, so do most adults.) They need to feel the scene. And they will if it's well thought out. This means that the visual aspect of a scene should probably proceed the development of the dialog. It's more easily done in zombie scenes and snot-monster scenes because they carry the emotional tension. It's more difficult in cerebral scenes where the dialog is about abstract ideas - like responsibility. In these cases, especially for children (and even for adults) find the picture.

This pilot portends a fun, stimulating series that has the potential to teach (however sneakily) within the realms of entertainment. A thought would be to rename it, The Newells and the Creaky Monster - more provocative and it offers the opportunity of developing the Monster as a person - uh, character.

I give this script 4.5 out of 5 stars and recommend it for ages 8 to 12. Reviewed by Juror #10.

Series Premise: Ordinary suburban parents with dreams of a better life have two intriguing children - are the kids' magic experiences imaginary or real?; Pilot Description: A young brother and sister try to out-scare one another with bedtime fables, to prove who is the more irresponsible of the two.